A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy

Since so many of the negative reviews for this book state that Sue Klebold wrote it for monetary profit, I would like to set the record straight. The author profits from the book are being donated to research and to charitable foundations focusing on mental health issues. I think it's important that people know this prior to reading the book, as it removes any doubt that Sue Klebold wrote it for purposes other than to tell her side of the story and to educate the public on hidden mental health issues in teenagers.This is the most difficult book to review that I've ever read. I'm giving it 5 stars for the quality of Sue Klebold's writing, but I have to admit that at times while reading it; I was somewhat put off by her constant praising of her son Dylan. With that said; this is an extremely compelling story of a life gone wrong, and the impact that it had on a small town, state, country, and the entire world. I immensely respect the opinions of the author, and fully understand that the story she tells is exactly as she sees it. It's one thing to be the mother of the son of a suicidal mass murderer, and quite another to be a reader who can in no way know the entire background of the story without having actually lived it. This is the story of a mother who loved her son, continues to do so to this day, and through no fault of her own, missed the signals that something was terribly wrong. This is also the story of a woman who cares deeply about the victims, their families and the survivors. While it may appear to casual readers such as myself that she's proselytizing the attributes of her son; she does so knowing that it will offend some people, but more importantly because at least in her eyes, it's the truth as she sees it.While it's written honestly and with a great deal of compassion and empathy; I personally still have trouble coming to terms with the manner in which she writes about her son Dylan. As mentioned above; it's quite different to view this event through my eyes, than those of the author. I'm trying to be as objective as possible and to place myself in a similar situation to hers, but find that impossible to do. After completing the first part of the book; I was upset by her effort to diminish blame for the Columbine tragedy on her son and his accomplice, Eric Harris. I couldn't help from feeling as if Sue Klebold was trying to portray her son as just a slightly troubled teenager, no different than any other teenager that you see everyday. I felt as if the first part of the book delved much too heavily on how wonderful Dylan was, and far too little on the devastating consequences of what he and Eric did. Than again, I ask myself if I would have reacted any differently.As the book progressed, she finally started to address the victims of this horrendous crime. I believe that Sue Klebold was being completely honest throughout the book, but despite her good intentions; I was still left with the feeling that too much time was spent on her trying to absolve herself from guilt, and too little time spent on addressing the fact that there were real warning signs that possibly could have prevented this horrendous calamity. She mentions that both Dylan and Eric were arrested the previous year for breaking into a van. She also mentions that her son wrote a paper that was so graphically disturbing that she and her husband were summoned to the school to learn of its contents. Than, as I continued to read the book; I kept second guessing my own opinions of her. One moment I was viewing her in a very negative way, the next moment I felt total empathy and compassion for Sue Klebold. I kept telling myself that it wasn't my right to question her motives, after all, she's the one who lived through it, not me.To me, there were plenty of warning signs. Obviously, regardless of these signs, no one would ever expect that their child would be capable of committing such an atrocity. Yet, with these warning signs being front and center; it would certainly have been enough for intervention to have taken place. Obviously they weren't, but why not. It's easy for me to say that faced with the same set of signals, I would have reacted differently. Who knows; unless you've lived it first person, how can you know for sure that you would have heeded the warning signs. Teenagers are adept at hiding their feelings, and although many of the same signals play out on a daily basis in homes across America, crimes such as this, don't. While the actions of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris should be viewed as abominable, the fact that Dylan suffered from hidden depression plays a major role in his behavior.It's nearly impossible for me to be critical of Sue and Tom Klebold, as no one can possibly know what it was really like to be in their shoes, except themselves. Speaking only for myself; I'd like to think that presented with the warning signs mentioned above, I would have intervened. Perhaps I too would have been blindsided, as she says they were. Yes, it's hard for me to imagine such a scenario, but than again, how do I know for sure that I wouldn't have been blindsided too.I most certainly feel incredible empathy for what her family has gone through, but on the other hand, after reading the book; had I been one of the parents of the victims or one of the injured survivors; I would have felt as if she was being somewhat disingenuous in her portrayal of the situation. This is not meant to diminish her portrayal of the way things played out. I honestly believe that Sue Klebold feels as if she was honest and forthright in her appraisal of the situation, but I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that this book is more about making her feel better, than about addressing the disaster straight on. That is, until I continued reading. It becomes obvious that Sue Klebold is a kind, compassionate person. She is not to blame for what her son did. As atrocious as his and Eric's actions were; they were not the result of bad parenting on the part of the Klebold's.It gives me no pleasure to at times being critical of this book. I think it's nearly impossible to read it without getting upset and shaken to the core. The subject matter is incredibly sad, as is the situation that the Klebold family and all of the victims families are in, and will be for the rest of their lives. Had the book been more oriented on the devastating impact of Dylan's and Eric's despicable actions; I would have finished it feeling that justice had been done to the story. Having completed it; I now realize that it's not possible for justice to be served. Without diminishing the fact that Sue Klebold obviously feels tremendous pain at what her son did; I'm still left feeling as if she spent too much time talking about the virtues of her son. That's when I come to realize that she does so in order to drive home the fact that in most ways he was a normal, loving child. It leaves the reader wondering, if such a loving son, from such a loving family, could commit such a despicable act of violence, couldn't the same thing take place from other loving homes. Everything about this book leaves you wondering, questioning, asking what's right and what's wrong. In the end, there simply are no definitive answers.Toward the middle and end of the book, there's a lot of talk about child suicide and how depression can be masked so well by teenagers. I'm not doubting any of this. What I find troubling is that there's a heavy emphasis throughout the book on Dylan's suicide, but not enough on the homicide that he committed. Granted; Sue Klebold is writing about her son for whom she has unconditional love. I know that I wouldn't have the ability to talk about my own son in such a positive light, had he committed such a horrendous crime. Once again, since I'm not in her situation; it's impossible to know how I would react. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that faced with a similar situation; I believe I would not be able to ever feel unconditional love toward the perpetrator of such a crime, regardless of who it was. My heart would bleed for the victims and the families, at least that's how I think I would react. Sue Klebold does not make excuses for what Dylan did, but she tries to explain that due to his hidden depression, he was suicidal. Once he teamed up with Eric Harris, the suicidal intentions became a carefully planned mass murder, with suicide as the anti-climatic finish. This was a well though out out plan; it's incredibly sad that no one saw it coming.In summary; I come away from reading this book with mixed emotions. The writing is superb, and I do feel as if the author is speaking from her heart. I believe that she's being totally honest when she talks about how much she loved and continues to love her son. I believe that her compassion toward the victims families is genuine and heartfelt. Her extensive coverage of suicide prevention, knowing the signs of depression, etc. is to be commended. I believe her when she says that her family saw no warning signs to the impending disaster. It's just that I want to believe that faced with a similar scenario; I would have been more aware of these signs. While they obviously didn't see them; the warning signs were there. Her son did a terrible thing. This is a no win situation, and regardless of how I feel, nothing will reverse the course of history. I only wish that the author had spent a little less time praising her son, and a little more time coming to terms with the devastation that he caused to so many people. While it was an integral part of the story, I felt as if there was too much time spent talking about the lawsuits against the family.Finally; I know that there were many survivors of the tragedy who will be physically and mentally challenged for the rest of their lives. Some are unable to walk, others have other physical disabilities. All are emotionally scarred for life. Sue Klebold wrote compelling letters to all of the survivors. In addition, she wrote letters to the families of the deceased. These were heartfelt, sincere letters that were extremely difficult for her to write. This is a caring woman who was dealt a horrible blow. The actions of her son can never be forgiven, but to blame her for what her son did is wrong. What he and Eric did is beyond comprehension, but aside from missing signals that any parent could miss, it's not fair to blame the messenger. Yes, I'm still left with the feeling that something could have been done to prevent this tragedy. After reading the book, however, I'm not placing blame on anyone. Placing blame accomplishes nothing, and faced with the exact same set of circumstances, I have no doubt that many people would have done things exactly the same way.I don't think that Sue Klebold is in denial; I actually feel quite the opposite. This book was her sincere effort to explain how her son was raised, and how, despite the loving home he lived in, something went dreadfully wrong. There is no doubt that this kid was loved, no doubt whatsoever. Perhaps had it not been for Eric Harris, this catastrophe may have been averted. It would be nice to hear from the Harris family, but it's unlikely that we will. It does appear that Eric Harris was the lightning rod behind this event, but without additional information, we'll never know for sure. Certainly, both boys are responsible for the carnage.I don't think that it's possible for any of us to truly know all of the answers to this incredibly sad story; we can only move on and learn. I wish the best to Sue Klebold and her family. I especially wish the best to the victims families, and to all of the survivors who are coping with this tragedy every day of their lives. It's difficult to imagine what it's been like for the survivors and for the victims families. April 20, 1999 changed their lives forever. The immense power of empathy is needed for every person affected by this awful event. Hopefully the passage of time will heal. Perhaps forgiveness is the only way to truly survive this unthinkable tragedy.

To start off this review, I would like to say I have lived in Colorado my whole life and I am 27. With that being said, I was 4 when Columbine happened and only learned about it growing up, not directly when it happened.There is many layers to this book and a lot to digest. Let me begin.In the beginning of the book, Sue starts off saying what happened when she first learned of Columbine and how her son was involved. Throughout the book, Sue talks about how kind, thoughtful, and sweet Dylan was growing up. It’s hard to read this part because we cannot imagine a mass murder as a “sweet, kind person”. She first thinks he may be a victim of the shootings because they don’t own guns and she would have never guessed that he could do that, but she soon learns it was him and Eric.In his junior year, he started to get into trouble with his friend Eric. Eric had a bad anger problem and at times, Dylan tried to distance himself. Sue discusses how he would get into trouble but then he would show overly great behavior that would throw everyone off. He went back and forth where he would do something bad and then seem like he learned from it and go on a streak of good behavior for a while. She ultimately writes a timeline of what happened throughout his life up until the shooting and then after. She does not make excuses for Dylan’s actions, she knows exactly what he did, more than anyone else does. But her whole book is about trying to understand why he did what he did. She questions her parenting and the things she should have asked him and done for him. Yes, he got into trouble with school, the law, etc. But, he was in a program just months before the shootings where the counselors ended it early because they believed Eric and him to have completely learned from their actions. That just goes to show how well they deceived everyone in their lives. Parents, teachers, law enforcement, etc. Also, we need to remember this was in 1999. There were no cell phones to check, mental health issues were not as well talked about as they are today, and shootings were not as common as they are now. It is a different time and I don’t believe anyone would have expected it. Dylan kept nothing about it in his room except for his journals where he wrote about how sad he was. I think in hindsight, there is a lot of red flags when you put them all together, but I do not blame her for not recognizing that. Her son that she loved and well knew was not the same person she learned about after the shootings.For me personally, it gave me mixed emotions. I feel so bad for Sue, she did not ask for this and I truly believe she had no idea. Was there signs he was depressed? Yes. But as I mentioned, I believe Sue loved her son and he knew that she loved him. She talks about it frequently throughout the book. Many times with suicides and killings, as she mentions, the person will act completely normal in order to throw off anyone who may deter them from their plans. I could not imagine as a mother losing my child, let alone losing them and knowing they took 13 people with them and injured many more. You cannot expect her to hate her son, that is her child who she loved. She never knew the side of her son who killed people and was filled with rage. It’s sad because I feel so bad for Sue and her family, I feel bad for all of the victims and their families, and I do feel sad for the two shooters, because they were mentally not in the right headspace where they felt that they needed to kill people in a horrible massacre. Any way you look at it, it is sad.I believe it’s relevant to read as we experience these shootings happening every day in America. Sue talks about what she wishes she would have done. I think after reading this, parents can have a better idea of what to look out for when it comes to mental illnesses and what to look out for with concerning behavior from your children.I appreciate Sue for writing this book, I’m sure it was not easy writing it. It is important to hear different view points, and this book was very hard to read but one of the best books I have read to date.

I'm a bit surprised that anyone would rate this book highly - for me it is one long desperate attempt by the mother of a killer to exonerate herself, to demonstrate to us again and again that she was just a normal mum in a normal family and that there really were no clues that her son was about to attempt to blow up his school and massacre hundreds - in the event he and friend Eric killed 13 and seriously injured 24. Before the event there were lots of clues. In September 1998 for example, Dyan wrote an essay entitled 'The Mind and Motives of Charles Manson', which he turned in to a creative writing class. It was about killing kids and his teacher thought it disturbing enough to talk to his parents about it. We are taken into her deep despair, and her attempt to understand, but I'm afraid it's too much about her and her feelings and a lot of what we know to be true is left out. Her conclusion; that her son Dylan was suffering 'brain disease', makes me angry, as does her insistence that what happened was 'suicide-murder', with the emphasis on suicide. No, lot's of people kill themselves without setting out to take hundreds with them; this was, as psychologists have agreed, an attack on society; a reckoning, an attempt to show people who they knew would never listen just how much they had been hurt and had come to hate the life they were born into. There is an entry in his day planner that simply reads, 'the lonely man strikes with absolute rage'. Other entries talk of 'revenge in the commons' - the planned massacre was to be revenge. I've taken a special interest in theories of 'mental illness' for over thirty years, and I'm pretty sure no psychologist would ever say that what was behind the Columbine massacre was 'brain disease'. There are some conditions that can be called brain disease, like Parkinson's, and maybe Alzheimer's, and Epilepsy; but when it comes to depression, psychosis, and psychopathy, there is an ongoing battle between psychiatrists and psychologists, and while the former are more inclined to treat with drugs they do not know how the drugs work and would not claim to have found a pathological cause. Sue Klebold chooses to leave out all the important evidence regarding what the two boys were thinking; and yet there is a lot of it, and it is shocking. There are the 'basement tapes'; videos made over a period before the event, in which they express their hatred for society and for 'the system', and tell us clearly what they are going to do; it was no 'moment of madness' act. Yet Sue, who has seen these, is keen that they should not be shown 'lest they inspire copycat events'. Well, there have been lots of school shootings since Columbine of course, and I think the decision to withhold the tapes was wrong. She tells us little of the 'journals' that both boys were found to have kept, yet when I did a quick search on the Internet I learned far more about the boys thoughts and feelings and motives in ten minutes than she is willing to tell us. Most important though are the other books that have now been written, especially 'No Easy Answers' by Brooks Brown, a fellow student who knew the two boys well and was the last to speak to Dylan. Interestingly, Eric Harris, the other perpetrator says in his journal, 'I don't care if I live or die in the shootout, all I want to do is kill and injure as many of you pricks as I can, especially a few people. Like Brooks Brown. Dylan, however, is reported by Brooks Brown as saying to him as they met in the school grounds, 'I like you now; go, get out of here'.Sue Klebold says all she wants to do is warn others about 'brain disease'. She wants regular checks for 'brain health'. Yet she is completely unwilling to acknowledge that society, and especially American society, and the education system, might have anything to do with the matter. She wishes that she had said more to her son, stopped him as he ran out of the house that last morning shouting in a strained and, she says, cynical, voice, 'bye'. Yet her regret seems mostly to be that she did not 'tell' him, that she did not 'make him see'. She seems to have no idea what Dylan was upset by, yet I feel that I have. She dismisses the idea that 'bullying at school' could make someone do such a drastic thing, and yet I know perfectly well how important it is for teenagers in particular to be accepted by their peers, and when I read in Brooks Brown's account how Dylan had excrement and used Tampons thrown over him I know that something was very very wrong. Add to this the fact that teachers are said to have shown no sympathy, and to have backed the 'Jocks' and team favourites, and I feel that same anger and despair that I felt at age six when a teacher made me face the wall for hours for something I hadn't done. Dylan had no access to justice, and he knew his mother wouldn't listen. She seems to me to be like many American suburban mums; religious, and living by rote not reason. She says herself that she always thought that if she always did the right things then God would reward her; but the 'right' things seem to have a mechanical feel, and her 'love' for Dylan seems to have been perhaps more a concept of loving the Dylan she imagined than getting to know the real Dylan. She says at one point in the book (p97) that she felt guilt in the wake of the tragedy over her fear that she had 'failed to impart a proper religious education - 'I had tought Dylan right from wrong every minute of the day, but we hadn't regularly attended a church or a Synagogue since the boys were small.' Her belief in God is a major problem to my mind - I'm inclined to think, as Richard Dawkins does, of the teaching of religion to children as child abuse. Religious dogma gets in the way of rational thinking, and I have no doubt that Dylan would scoff at it as I did back in sixties Britain as I became fascinated by science. I remember making the decision to reject my parent's rather wishy-washy belief in God, as many of my friends did back then. There was no discussion to be had - religion was just a folly of past ages that could not co-exist with rational thought (though I would now give credit to the role of Christianity in shaping the culture and shared values of the British people). In today's Britain most people do not believe in God, and an ever diminishing number go to church, but in the USA this rejection has not happened, and the clash is evident in the Creationist movement that opposes the teaching of Evolutionary theory. It's widely accepted that Dylan and Eric were highly intelligent, and it was inevitable that they would reject their parent's beliefs. Making them attend church, as Sue wishes she had, would have been horrific for them, an assault on reason, yet she gives no credence to that possibility.There are other things that Sue appears to want to hush up. Throughout the book there is an almost complete absence of her husband's thoughts or conversations. We are simply told that they parted, 'in order to remain good friends'. I noticed in the BBC interview that she insisted that Dylan had been a perfectly healthy boy growing up normally, yet he was born with pyloric stenosis (as I was) which meant that without an operation he would have died of starvation. Psychologists now recognise that the trauma of hospital and an operation at such an early age is likely to leave it's mark by disturbing 'attachment' - attachment theory came out of the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsley around 1948 and it caused profound changes in the way babies were treated in hospital (in my day they we were, astonishingly, denied visits by parents) in the early National Health System. What is clear from Dylan's writings is that he feels lonely and unloved, and he writes over and over again of his infatuation with a girl who he idolises yet is afraid to talk to because he is certain that she would reject him. What a pity he didn't find someone honest and kind to talk to about these things! Unrequited love is a very powerful thing that has driven many to madness, including perhaps painter Van Gogh, who walked miles to see again the daughter of his former landlady; though this aspect of his life is not widely discussed as a cause of his 'madness'. I should mention that Eric's personality is very different, and he has been labelled psychopathic; unfeeling, though I would not discount the influence of his early experiences as a cause. Sue Kleber's total failure to understand the deep causes of 'mental illness' is illustrated by her statement in the book (p141) about her shock at the death of actor Robin WIlliams. 'Many articles expressed shock that a man so wealthy and beloved could feel he had nothing to live for'.she says. Yet suicide among famous people is well studied and understood - from Tony Hancock and Kenneth Williams to singer Amy Winehouse and many many others, and it is well understood that these people seek the adulation of the masses (and often the numbing effect of drugs) to 'fill the void' left by early life experiences, and that when the adulation wanes the inner pain becomes too great. Being told you are 'loved' is no substitute for actually believing that you are understood and wanted for who you really are!I have no desire to pile blame on Sue Klebold; what happened to her is horrific and it left her with many parents blaming her for the death of their children. But I would like to tell her that she seems blind to the obvious. She isn't the only one, and we have an epidemic, not just of school shootings in America but of suicides and self-harm, and anorexia, and body dysmorphic disorder, and schizophrenia; all in my opinion, and that of many experts, explicable in terms of the inner world of deep feelings. Society has lost it's way to the point where the pressure it puts on some people is just too great, and the lives they are forced to live, too contrary to their natural feelings and desires. This point, and the whole inner world of feelings is a hard thing to put across, and yet I would suggest to her and to others that there are many good books and films that tackle it well. The film (and book) 'Revolutionary Road', in which a 'schizophrenic' is the only one brave enough to tell those around him what is really going on in their false lives, is an excellent start. The writings of R D Laing, and before him Bateson, on schizophrenia left a deep impression on me, especially 'Sanity Madness and the Family'. 'Taking Care' by seasoned psychotherapist David Smail, is excellent in giving the lie to conventional views of love and happiness. And 'The Cradle of Thought' by Peter Hobson, gives us the latest ideas on how early experiences shape our neural networks irrevocably in a critical period. None of these experts has much time for the idea of 'brain disease'. Oh, and 'Kes', the film made many decades ago about a boy and his pet Kestrel, still moves me deeply when I watch the poor lad's interview with the 'careers' teacher, who has no feeling for what he would actually like to do in life (Dylan would have identified with that scene I'm sure); and that games teacher who clearly has no feelings for the children in his care, wanting only to demonstrate harshly to them his superiority at football. I have never forgotten the games master at my grammar school who, when I asked if I could do rowing, grabbed my thin arm and said, 'why would I want you in my team'. The answer I should have given of course was, 'because the exercise might help build my muscles sir', but that clearly was of no interest to him!Interestingly, though here in the UK very few people home-school their children, a staggering 3.4% (2 million) do so in the States, and while many have religious motives, others just don't like what they perceive to be going on in schools.I've just watched Sue Klebold on the BBC News channel being interviewed by Kirsty Wark to commemorate the 17th anniversary of Columbine. I learned nothing new, and thought that Kirsty's questions could have been far more challenging, given that we are so many years on from the event. At one point Sue Klebold welled up and produced a tissue to wipe her eyes and nose, yet, interestingly, though I replayed the section, I could see no sign of an actual tear.

Ein kurzer Überblick über das Thema des Buches: Es handelt sich beim Buch "A Mother's Reckoning - Living In The Aftermath Of Tragedy" um das Werk von Sue Klebold, welches über ihren Sohn Dylan Klebold handelt, einem der beiden Amokläufer der Columbine High School in Denver, Colorado, USA am 20. April 1999. Ein Massaker, welches eine tödliche Bilanz von 12 Schülern, einem Lehrer sowie den beiden Tätern, Dylan und Eric, hinterließ und sich, zum damaligen Zeitpunkt, als verheerendster Amoklauf an einer Schule in der US-amerikanischen Geschichte herausstellte. Sue Klebold hat mit ihrem Buch das gewagt, was vor ihr wohl noch keine Mutter gewagt hatte: Über ihren Sohn zu schreiben, welcher solch unerträgliches Leid verursachte und dabei ihre Sicht der Dinge beschreibt. Allerdings ist das Buch weit mehr, als nur die Geschichte über ihren Sohn Dylan.Die gebundene Ausgabe des Buches umfasst ganze 305 Seiten, inklusive Vorwort, Index etc. und ist natürlich in englischer Sprache erschienen, man sollte also bereits fortgeschrittene Englischkenntnisse aufweisen können, um die Texte gut zu verstehen. Das Buch ist in 18 Kapitel gegliedert, wobei manche gut ca. 20-30 Seiten groß sind, andere wenige wiederum kaum mehr als 2-4 Seiten umfassen. Da die Texte innerhalb eines Kapitels mit Punktlinien voneinander abgegrenzt sind, kann man auch mal während eines Kapitels mit dem Lesen aufhören, ohne danach genau suchen zu müssen, wo man zuletzt aufgehört hat. Einige wenige Kapitel besitzen an ihrem Anfang auch jeweils ein Bild von Dylan in schwarz/weiß.Das erste Kapitel beginnt natürlich mit den Erinnerungen von Sue Klebold an den ereignisreichen 20. April 1999. Obwohl einem natürlich das Endergebnis von vornherein klar ist, ist bereits das erste Kapitel sehr spannend und doch gleich beängstigend geschrieben. Denn auch Sue hatte natürlich Angst um ihren Sohn, als sie hörte, dass eine Schießerei auf der High School stattfand. Weiter führt das Buch den Leser durch die schreckliche Erkenntnis, dass ihr geliebter Sohn an dieser Schießerei beteiligt ist. Für Sue und ihren Ehemann Tom begann mit diesem Tag eine lange Zeit des Grauens und der Trauer, doch vor allem auch eine Zeit, in der sie ihres Lebens selbst nicht mehr sicher sein konnten, da viele Menschen einen ziemlichen Groll gegen die Eltern von Dylan verspürten und der Medienrummel natürlich gewaltig war. Dies führte dazu, dass die Klebolds heimlich bei Freunden für ein paar Tage untertauchen mussten und sich mit ihrem Anwalt nur an abgelegenen Orten trafen. Hinzu kamen Alpträume, ständiges Weinen und was sonst noch alles für solch eine schreckliche Situation vorstellbar ist. All dies wurde in diesem Buch dargestellt und ich persönlich konnte dies alles als Außenstehender sehr gut mitfühlen, was ich nicht über jedes Buch behaupten kann.Natürlich beschreibt Sue Klebold in ihrem Buch auch die 17 Jahre mit ihrem Sohn Dylan, ohne dabei allerdings zu biographisch zu werden. Hinzu kommen auch viele Texte über Hirnerkrankungen, Meinungen von Hirnforschern etc., welche Sue immer wieder um ihre Meinung bat und diese Aussagen in das Buch mit hineinfließen ließ. Es war für mich persönlich sehr interessant, so viel über Dylan zu erfahren sowie auch über seine Freundschaft mit Eric, welcher mit seinem Temperament schon früher aufgefallen war. Auch beinhaltet dieses Buch Beschreibungen über die Videos, welche bis heute vor der Öffentlichkeit unter Verschluss gehalten werden, bzw. welche 2011 laut Polizeiangaben zerstört wurden, und bisher nur den Angehörigen gezeigt wurden. Hinzu kommen klare Aussagen über das starke Mobbing an der Columbine High School, welches dort zu dieser Zeit generell ein Problem darstellte und tatsächlich die Hölle für Dylan war, die man sich dabei vorstellen kann. Außerdem räumt das Buch mit vielen Meinungen auf, dass Dylan ein ebenso geisteskranker Wahnsinniger wie Eric gewesen ist. Trotz der Veröffentlichung der Tagebücher sind ja viele Außenstehende immer noch der Meinung gewesen, Dylan wäre mehr als nur ein depressiver 'Sidekick' von Eric, sondern wäre genauso brutal veranlagt gewesen wie er oder sogar ein richtiges Monster. Damit räumt seine Mutter in ihrem Buch auf, selbstverständlich ohne irgendeine Schuld von Dylan abzuweisen. Auch viele der Kommentare von verschiedenen Medizinern sind zu diesem Schluss gekommen, mit welchem auch Kapitel 12 des Buches beginnt und ich diesen hier mal kurz übersetze:"Definitive Aussage: Ich denke nicht, dass Columbine ohne Eric passiert wäre." Dr. Frank Ochberg, Januar 2015Viele Gefühle hinterließ dieses Buch in mir, nachdem ich es durchgelesen habe, wofür ich ca. 1,5 Wochen benötigte (im Gegensatz zu den ganzen Amazon.com Rezensenten die schon am Erscheinungstag 5-Sterne Bewertungen raushauen, ohne das Amazon sie als Käufer verifiziert hat und dann auch noch so tun als hätten sie das gesamte Buch bereits durch, worüber ich nur lachen kann, vor allem da diese Rezensionen null Informationen über das Buch liefern, sorry das musste jetzt aber mal sein). Vor allem die letzten Tage von Dylans Leben haben mich sehr bewegt, da er bis zuletzt keine Anzeichen davon machte, dass er bald nicht mehr auf Erden sein würde. Er hatte es bis zuletzt prima verstanden, seine wahren Gefühle, so gut es ging, zu verheimlichen. Er war stark depressiv und das obwohl sich seine Eltern immer gut um ihn gekümmert haben, trotz der ganzen Hoch und Tiefs, welche eine Familie so erlebt, insbesondere als Dylan und Eric dabei erwischt wurden, wie sie Elektronikartikel aus einem Lastwagen mitgehen ließen. Schockiert hatte mich auch, dass die Ehe seiner Eltern, nach ganzen 43 Jahren, 2014 geschieden wurde, da sie sich seit dem Columbine Massaker mit der Zeit zu weit voneinander entfernt hatten. Ich hätte nie gedacht, dass dieser eine Tag solch extrem langfristige Auswirkungen haben könnte und Sue Klebold auch, wie sie selbst schreibt, sich ewig daran erinnern und sie die Schuldgefühle sowie auch die daraus entstehenden psychischen Probleme, nie ganz in den Griff bekommen wird. Selbst einige Psychologen waren mit ihrem Fall überfordert. Das hatte mich alles sehr stark mitgenommen.Ich empfehle dieses Buch jedem, der sich über das Thema Columbine generell interessiert. Ebenso empfehle ich es auch jedem, der schon immer mal wissen wollte, wie die Mutter eines Massenmörders dessen Taten und die verheerenden Auswirkungen erlebt und natürlich empfehle ich es auch denjenigen, die hinter die Kulissen blicken wollen, welche die Massenmedien damals fälschlicherweise aufgebaut haben, ohne sich mit der Person Dylan Klebold in irgendeiner Weise auseinanderzusetzen. Natürlich ist es falsch, seine Taten in irgendeiner Weise herunterzuspielen, was auch Sue selbstverständlich nicht tut, aber, wie Dr. Dwayne Fuselier, welcher beim FBI die Ermittlungen zu Columbine leitete, am Ende von Kapitel 12 treffend aussagt:"Ich glaube, Eric ging in die Schule um Menschen zu töten und es war ihm egal, ob er dabei sterben würde, während Dylan sterben wollte und es ihm wiederum egal war, wenn andere dabei ebenfalls sterben."Mein persönliches Fazit: Ein starkes, bewegendes Buch über die Person Dylan Klebold und über die Erfahrungen einer Mutter, welche ihren Sohn nicht nur auf tragische Weise verlor, sondern welcher zugleich auch noch der Täter war und seine Familie somit in ein unvorstellbares Chaos stürzte.

The book is written by DK mother, one of the shooters at Columbine.It's a heavy, heartbreaking read on how we never really know our kids, and what we could do to change this.My feelings were conflicted with some of her writings, particularly as it seems to lessen the accountability by her son for his part in what happened.DK was a killer, the events were planned, that's murder, and his depression although a part of the many issues the two killers had is still not a reason as to how he woke up one day, strapped on guns and took part in a rampage that devastated so many families.DK lack of empathy, his cold hearted slaughtering is not addressed by the author enough.There is a lot of failures, but I believe DK was an active player, his "Suicide " was undertaken in a way which caused maximum damage, she accepts this but reiterates her son was also a victim.Sometimes its better to stay quiet.This book gives no more understanding into DK mindset. A lot of how nice he was, how sweet, and I don't doubt it. But he was also a cold hearted killer who knew exactly what he was doing.

This is the heartbreaking story of a mother's love for her son set against grief and tragedy. Sue Klebold does not excuse her son's actions and can not forgive them but she has tirelessly sought to understand their origins. It makes for a heartbreaking and torturing read, especially for a mother. Reading A Mother's Reckoning could very well prevent further devastation, Klebold writes with searing honesty for where she feels she could have done more. Where perhaps through no fault of her own she could not see her son was in a crisis. Hindsight is a painful concept. I just hope she is able to think of her son with love, remembering the little boy she raised rather than who he was in the moments before he died.The book is an apology for the victim's families, a word she was encouraged by lawyers not to verbalise in public. Klebod feels the guilt for the families, she feels the guilt of the world following her son's actions, she feels the guilt for her son and she feels the heartbreaking sorrow of losing a child. My heart breaks for her but I hope her bravery helps her find solace in the fact it could so easily have been another child, holding a gun. We are all one step away from standing in Sue Klebold's shoes, yet Klebold uses her experience and hindsight to give us the means to ensure we are not in fact standing in her place.A Mother's Reckoning is also a window into understanding brain illnesses and how if we destroy the sigma surrounding them and we learn to talk and understand we may very well save lives.

This review isn't intended as a dig at Sue Klebold - it's obvious that she has suffered terribly since her son's murder spree. I write as someone who hates to see children suffer and I fear that, if people follow Sue's parenting style, they will cause intense suffering. Children desperately need to fit in yet, whenever he was having a sleepover, she phoned the child's parents and asked what video they planned to show, often requesting a less violent video. She monitored all of his TV watching and made frequent phone calls to his friends' houses when he was there to check up on him. She made him say grace and made him read out a religious statement at a communal meal even when he said that he didn't want to do this. He was not allowed to become a rationalist. She organised a meal out with him and his father for his sixteenth birthday and arranged for two of his friends to be there as `a surprise.' She comments that he was tense as he knew his parents didn't allow bad table manners or rudeness or swearing. By this stage Dylan was six foot four inches tall yet he was still being treated like a little kid. Whenever he came home he was met with a barriage of questions about who he'd spoken to, what he'd eaten, how he'd conducted himself. His brother left home at the earliest opportunity but was berated by Sue for sleeping late, being accident prone and not eating salad. These were teenage boys, not elderly men! When Dylan admitted that he was burnt out and didn't want to go to college he was overridden and they took him to see his university. He was mortified on the journey when they went into a burger bar and he saw other, normal teenagers but Sue told him he was being silly and that they had no interest in him. Again and again there's the theme that she ignored his reality, that she saw herself as an educator and a leader who always knew what was best. He looked and sounded exhausted yet was subject to a constant litany of `have you changed your bed, done your chores, fed the cats?' As someone with similarly old fashioned and joyless parents I was bullied mercilessly at school just as Dylan was. I was female so I turned my anger inward but, as a youth, Dylan turned his outward. Photos of him at shooting practice with his friends in the woods show an increasingly deranged young man. His diary says it all when he writes that `he had the most miserable existence in the history of time.' Ironically, Sue (who already searched his room on a regular basis) says that, if she'd known how unhappy he was, she would have `tightened the reigns further.' His reasons for suicide are clearly apparent in her text but it's tragic that he took happy children from more liberal homes out before he died.