How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To

I have done so much therapy (all by myself) and read so many self help books that didn’t help at all after being betrayed multiple times by the person that was supposed to love me the most. None of it worked. This book was so on target, so helpful. I think all counselors and psychologists should read it. I was so tired of all the advice that makes it sound like forgiveness is only in the hands of the person that was the victim. This book gets to the heart of the perpetrators role in what is needed to deserve real forgiveness, if they are available to make amends. I needed that part of the equation when the person who cheated on me and lied to me over a period of years thought I should just forgive and trust him again without any change on his part. Thank you so much for this book!!! You changed my life!

OUTSTANDING. I have been stuck trying to forgive my husband and as I read this book. This book warns against "cheap forgiveness" (sweeping the problem under the rug) and gets into the heart of how different types of people handle pain and anger, where it comes from and what to do about it. In this book I not only understood myself better but also my husband, my mother, children and others and how they handle their feelings.I have read numerous books and have even done some counseling in my earlier years and rarely get excited about a book. However, this is definitely one of the most helpful and on target books I have seen. It is well-written in that it is simple, straightforward and very easy to read. Many people in 12-step programs would benefit, and even more if they are not. You will likely find and understand yourself in this book as well as those you love, including the person/people who hurt you. This book will help you heal yourself and your current (and future) relationships, including with the person who hurt you, whether you decide to work things out with them or move on and let them go, I am buying additional copies of this one for my children.I was so confused and stuck and so glad I picked this up. I thank the authors for helping me find some peace during one of the most difficult and painful times in my life.

I am a big fan of Janis Abrams Spring's book on Recovering from Affairs, so I was thinking this book would be somewhat of a follow up, focusing on the forgiveness aspect of such affairs, so I was a bit disappointed to realize that the scope was much wider. I think there is a lot of valuable information in the book on types of forgiveness and relatable examples, but I would have prefered a more narrow scope. I think it's hard to cover everything from a small offense in a casual relationship to a traumatic offense in a close or long-term relationship in one book. I also didn't like her referring to the perpetrator as the male and victim as the female. While it might have been challenging to keep both people on either side of the coin gender neutral, I think it would be important to do so. That being said, I think she makes some excellent points about different responses people can have and/or work towards when facing forgiveness, which breaks away from past more rigid ideas, which is something everyone could benefit from.

I have been struggling with my husband's infidelity for 18 months now. This is round #2.Round #1 was physical infidelity 25 years ago when he was away for many months for work. I only learned of it when I was diagnosed with STDs several months later. Even then initially he denied it and suggested I was the unfaithful one.Round #2 is emotional infideltiy with a woman he works with. He refused to believe there was an issue with this 'friendship'. Two counselors told him it was an inappropriate relationship. Rather than end it he stopped seeing both counselors. It ended only after he found out this woman was also pursuing another married man in the building.Once I discovered her texts and photos and asked her why she was contacting my spouse nights, holidays and weekends, she escalated to driving up and down our street, shining her headlights into my home at night, calling the house, and increasing the numbers of texts and photos she sent to my husband. She went as far as taking mail I've sent him (a federal crime, yes I've opened an investigation with the postal inspector). Her attempts to demean me and destabilize our relationship were nothing short of a serious emotional disorder. Of course, it isn't entirely her fault. My husband was thoroughly enjoying the attention he was receiving and reciprocating until he realized what he had gotten himself into.With the help of an outstanding counselor, I'm putting my life back together, piece by piece. I thought so highly of this book I wrote the author to thank her.Learning that how I dealt with round #1 was unhealthy for me and having the author explain there are two different types of healthy forgiveness was a godsend. I was struggling with forgiveness and thought it wouldn't be possible for me. I now know I can do it and feel at peace about it.There are some critical reviews for suggesting the other partner may have some responsibility. Early on in my healing I would have been upset to have been told that. There is some truth to it though. In most cases if you're willing to honestly look at yourself and your faults, you may realize you made room for someone else, maybe not intentionally, but it was there nonetheless.For everyone out there dealing with this, you have my sympathy and understanding. It's not an easy road. If you had asked me a year ago if I was going to make it I would have responded with "I don't know". Today the answer is ABSOLUTELY! I've read many books. How Can I Forgive You was one of the most helpful for me. You can recover from this and be happy. Trust me.

Amazing book... Very insightful and highly recommended to those having to wrestle with the worst kind of betrayal from a loved one and friend. Helped me put things in perspective, understand what I was feeling and allowed me to moved forward. Sometimes you can't forgive... but you must accept.

good quality product as described and quick delivery

Its an amazing descriptive way piece of writing. A road to recovery from the trauma of Infidelity. A must read for those jolted by the shock of infidelity both for the survivor and betrayer.

Very helpful

awesome book