Gray Is the New Black

Wow, I was hooked immediately as I’m from Sacramento where Dorothy’s adult life was lived. I loved the local references.Past that, I related heavily with her state of mind and being from the 1st chapter to the closing page. I projected a path as I began, it didn’t flow that way. Addictions never do. Claiming that out loud never deterred the hold the substance of choice held on her actions. Coming to know her family dynamics and the age old fairytales clinging to her mind as she ages, what she survived, one can see the intent desire to own and tame the monster, moving to a place of acceptance and a more full knowledge of how to do better when able. Ah, the pile of jeans in all the sizes. I’m sure I’m not the only reader that owns that pile. The diets of all sizes and shapes, knowing deep inside it’s eating less, being more active and not succumbing to desires; sounds lovely.She did complete the book, she was a productive writer and mentor along with learning to love herself and believe she is truly lovable. Hard won prize.

Dorothy Rice takes the reader along on this unflinching exploration of her past, one marked by rape's trauma and the self-loathing that results for many victims. She never lets herself off the hook, as she examines both her past and current behavior and the barriers she erects to limit her potential as an artist and a woman. Her memoir makes me think about my own life in these terms, and like Dorothy, I am inspired to nurture the best and most authentic version of myself and to embrace whatever the future holds.

I am gray but do not have your amazing hair! It is like a badge. I had no experiences like your rape. I have not had multiple marriages. But at 67 I truly could empathize, and identify with your struggles. I was a cute girl and now am fat. I like to think I rock it as best I can. I do meaningful art work at home and a teeny bit of volunteer work. I am a joiner and part of many Meetups but I find in this time of Trump and Covid19, it is a time for contemplation. I had a mostly happy, supportive childhood and so far, a good life. I ached for you reading about your "peevishness",because it was mostly foreign to me. I married the man I loved at 19, still love him. I kept thinking that you, indeed, we're chasing a fairy tale. I so wanted to take you to 15 and give you the (more or less) confidence, support, and encouragement I got. I know my husband loves me. He is also an engineer, so like Bob. Your pain with him I identify with, on a lesser scale. You have written an amazingly brave, naked book. You probably hate that word. But I almost never give 5 stars. For anything. 4 is my usual A+. I have MS and you encourage me to be more creative, have more creative output. Brava!

None of us likes to age. Alas, the alternative is to die young and that has even less appeal. As we go through the various stages of our lives, experience obstacles, barriers and great leaps forward. The most important lessons we learn are about ourselves. We come into this world, unformed, wondering and spend the majority of our time dealing and constructing an understanding of the reality that surrounds us. Some look for purpose and find it. The problems of fitting ourselves into a model that fits well in that mold of being something we think we should be can be enormous. With most men, it's fame, power and attention. With many women, it's being attractive, wise and motherly. In Ms. Rice's book we meet a woman who wanders in search of herself. As a younger person, she survived traumas that would have destroyed weaker women and in her senior years, she struggles with the reality of aging. Her voice is real, honest in its perspective and fair in her assessments of self. She lays no blame on either the events that shaped her earlier years and is forthcoming about her struggles in the present day. Her recounting ends not with a golden burst of glory and achievement, or a pit of darkness leading into the wasteland of an underworld. Her tale continues. Issues remain. Issues she has faced before and will face again. This is an honest telling that every woman and man should take account of when considering each one of their odysseys into aging.

The many questions Dorothy Rice asks in her honest memoir are those probably asked by most women of a certain age: Did I make the wrong choices in my past? If so, will I ever forgive myself? Can others love me if I don't love myself? What constitutes a successful, happy marriage? Do my looks define me? In her book, Rice takes us on her sometimes painful journey over a year in which she decides it is finally time to find some answers. One of the things I most like about the book is that she does not find all of the answers. Who could? But whether growing out her glorious head of gray hair or trying to reconcile the vulnerable teen she was with the 63-year-old grandmother she has become, she fights her way through the tough stuff and is unsparing in evaluating herself just as much as others. I found so much to like in this book, from sugar addiction (it's a real thing, believe me) to the complex relationship with a sister, it all rang true. Through it all I was pulling for Rice, and while I won't tell you how it "ends," I will say that she is a fighter, and her fight teaches the reader that change, even small, incremental change, is possible. This book is not only a great read for women of all ages, it's essential reading for the men in their lives who might like a handbook to give them some insight into the female psyche.