Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder (Revised and Updated Edition)

"Healing" speaks to a serious problem that's often ignored. We understand that beating a child causes all sorts of problems. It's harder to see that something missing, affirmation, causes equally severe problems. Even if it's seen, inappropriate therapies are often prescribed. This the only book I've ever found that adequately emphasizes this issue, its profound consequences, how to penetrate its disguises, and how to heal it. I wish that all therapists would read this book and consider the lack of affirmation as a possible cause for their clients' problems.To show the importance of the book's concepts, I'll briefly apply them to my life:In my childhood family, I was attacked, instead of being affirmed. This caused depression and deep emotional pain that was always with me. The therapists I tried used standard techniques. When the techniques didn't help, I felt hopeless and worse about myself. By the time I met the therapists who finally helped me, I had suicidal thoughts, Major Depression, DID, and panic attacks. I was so alienated from people that it made no sense to me emotionally why humans liked to talk to each other so much.Thankfully, I finally found therapists who saw my limits, were emotionally present, and were willing to give some corrective emotional experiences. They gave my "kids" the first affirmation they'd ever had. This created trust and a sense of caring. It also let me know that they understood the type and depth of my problem. (I am so touched by the difference this made that I want to cry just from remembering it.)I didn't get everything I wanted from these therapists, and this was often excruciating. However, I knew that this was the best our society could do for adults, and I was grateful for not being pushed into inappropriate therapies. And, the affirmation they gave me was healing even if it wasn't as complete as what a parent would do for a child.I believe that some people are so badly hurt by lack of affirmation that they need corrective emotional experiences to heal. I think that many other people would benefit from such experiences. However, this type of therapy is not fast, new, or glamorous, and many therapists feel safer staying in their own head.After years of good therapy, the panic attacks were gone and the pain and anxiety reduced. My daily life, however, was still painful enough to be hard. Things unexpectedly changed when I took the opportunity to see "The Passion of the Christ." When feeling myself in Christ's role and being abused, I was shocked at how much I wanted to retaliate by stomping on the guards' feet. This made me wonder how anyone could be so loving amidst such brutality. All of a sudden, I was flooded with more love than I had seen anywhere on earth. Aware for the first time that this profound love was possible, I searched for how to get more of it. Gradually I saw God as my Father and Jesus as my brother, They give me peace and love without limit. Unexpectedly, as I became comfortable with Them, my anxiety went away and my everyday decisions were better. I am still surprised that I can feel this good, happy, and peaceful most of the time. I am no longer trapped in the cage my parents created. My therapist and my best friend see many positive changes since I've let God into my life. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Sorry, imo, do not buy. After combing through a small library of available books & articles I really thought this one targeted what I was seeking. Some basics are covered well ...with insight & compassion. fwiw, Other web feedback on it re: Freud and Christian influence, for better or for worse, applies as well. And, I do understand their use of the words LOVE and loving in a positive, human, constructive (i.e. truly compassionate) sense.In the actual therapeutic theory & "how-to" sections, the authors suggest the patient needs to experience loving affection from the therapist in the exact ways the patient missed as a child… developmentally… step by step. Sounds logical, but I just cannot subscribe to a world where the patient is learning TO *DEPEND* ON UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE *FROM*ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. In my opinion, it’s *especially* unrealistic they advocate a therapist develop this kind of relationship with another human being who's not the patient’s (or the therapists’!!!) own life-partner. (If you read in the book what I’m referring to, you’d agree my aformentioned understanding of human loving compassion is really stretched/put to the test.) Even if it were that person’s life partner… I’m sorry... I’m not in this profession but —in my mature educated adult opinion— if you’re asking or expecting intense point-by-point validation even from your spouse you are bound for disappointment and amplified dysfunction (it cannot be healthy/ mutually beneficial). Good grief. I may be misunderstanding the proposal but I think not. I think I understand they are not specifically addressing ONLY an audience with SEVERE developmental deficits, though they use such as examples.The author sets up the hypothesis that this SPECIFIC type of therapy application involves the therapist literally becoming a parental substitute for the patient… that the therapist LOVE the patient —in the context of professionalism, of course! Sure. “I have a Bridge in Brooklyn…”. Listen, no matter your open-minded, altruistic understanding of it all, *at least parts* of their therapy are highly DUBIOUS, to put it politely. I posit it’s perhaps unreasonable to ask even a VERY damaged person to DEVELOP this kind of trust… unless s/he has a DAILY, long-term treatment (institutional/ asylum?) interaction with the therapist. In the end… THE BOOK WAS HELPFUL BY POINTING OUT WHAT MAY BE FUTILE & SHOULD ACTUALLY BE RECONCILED AS BEST AS POSSIBLE BY OTHER MEANS.If you’re looking for support after divorce or break-up, try this outstanding resource instead : www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

BUT....It wasn't. Bet you wouldn't have guessed that. I choose to read it for a psychology class by closing my eyes and pointing, basically, and wrote a ten+ page paper on it that earned me the top score in the class. Why? Because the topic of Emotional Deprivation Disorder is so unknown and the way this book writes it and deals with it is fascinating. Most psychologists dismiss it and laugh at it (because who wants to deal with emotions? -.-) and even my psychology professor wrote some snide comment on my essay about the subject (but I got over 100% so...) But it's gaining recognition because the treatments and such are working. I don't know how to sum it up so you'll just have to read it. "Don't judge a book by its cover" heavily applies to this one.

This book has been life-changing for me! I am deeply grateful for the work of Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe. And thankful that my gifted psychologist gave me a copy. As I read, I am struck profoundly with the sense that all these good doctors somehow are inside my head and heart. After decades of dealing with the symptoms and the toll they have taken on my life, I am finally on the way to being healed. FINALLY, the missing piece of the rubic's cube that is me has been found!!

Excellent book for so many young people today and fill those much older who were involved in lead to pry only to discover all that they missed in life due to not being affirmed by a mother Very helpful insights and useful for psychologist as well as the patient!

As this book states, emotional problems are often though to be the result of repression, but they can also be a result of not being affirmed as a child.So if you are someone who has emotional challenges, this book may give you the answers you need to move froward in life.

For all those desparately trying, and failing, to raise their self-esteem with "self-affirmation", this book explains why that route will ultimately fail. An excellent presentation of emotional deprivation disorder, which so many of today's "daycare generation" suffer from. All of Dr. Conrad Baars' books are excellent; some are hard to get hold of, but well worth the effort.

Excellent book for the person who can't seem to lighten up. There's a reason you're sad! Wish the prognosis was more encouraging.

Outdated I'm afraid and too Churchy