Healing the Shame That Binds You Kindle Edition

Re-reading this knowing what I know, I feel frustrated at this book. While I think there are quite a few insights especially those who have a history of child abuse, this book heavily clings on this the idea that shame is the problem. And it is this toxic shame that needs to turn into healthy shame in order for things to get better. It seems to do that through using CBT methods where if changing thoughts will help change behavior. The author also seems heavily influenced by the 12 step method.Personally, I feel the author is too bias with 1. his personal experience using the 12 step program and 2. this sense of shame as the core reason. Instead, I urge people who are thinking of buying this book to instead do their own reach on CPTSD and DTD (developmental trauma disorder). I believe a lot of child abuse problems in adults is fuel through the fight/flight/freeze system and through working on the trauma side, will be far more beneficial.

Honestly, this book should come with a warning label. I read the first half and my depression went to a whole new level. I knew I had some trauma issues but I was unaware of how much I’d pretended didn’t happen. I’d suggest going through this book with ur therapist. Don’t do it solo. It’s definitely the most eye opening book I’ve ever read. You can’t heal from trauma until u face ALL the trauma. Not long after finishing this book & therapy I began to heal. Like, REALLY heal. The negative cycles in my life began to slowly change.

My second time around for this one--a little less challenging this time, but so very appropriate and the beginning of healing--and I am an old (81) lady now. Much of my shame was self-imposed, not following my own moral/ethical rules and shaming my self.

Ah. So It has a name. That feeling that follows us through years and years, that keeps eating at us and deteriorating our life. At first you double the efforts to keep on functioning and achieving ("put your back into it!"). Some achievements come with that. But you feel increasingly drained, fearful of disasters and failure (which can lead you smack into some of them btw), and just so gd tired. And weirdly empty, disconnected and phony even to yourself. Soooo.... bit by bit you keep on trying to quench that nagging dissatisfied thirst with... well, just plain more. More work. More "fun" (a world of problems here, none of them fun at all). More money. More shoes. And always thinking "when I get that new (i) car (ii) job (iii) promotion (iv) title (v) ring etc etc etc, I'll feel better. More serene and real. I'll find "my" place, where I "belong"".One therapist once told me that this sounded like "when I grow up...". I never forgot that.This book is important. To me, it was an absolute revelation.If you identify with anything I wrote above, check this book out. It brings an almost immediate feeling of relief. What happens after the first eureka moment is up to each one of us and our individual stories. But, as a group, it's like realizing your symptons are documented and part of a disease that afflicts a lot of people and not just you - and which CAN be treated; which has nothing to do with your real identity.And that place? Where we belong? It's right there inside each of us, patiently waiting for us to come back. I'm trying to find my own way back, and this book was the most precise and clearest "guide" I found so far. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm on my way. Using the right road and all. At the right pace.I do wish I had come across this before. But then again, time and place for everything, right?

I’m still making my way through this book but it has been great. John goes into great detail of what shame is and the different causes. He also equips and gives tools on how to heal from it so toxic shame isn’t the core identity anymore. However, I would like to reflect that every person is different and their process is unique to them. If this book is not helpful right now, it might be in the future. I have had to do work around the wounds and traumatic events first. Now, I’m on the layer underneath the wounds which is toxic shame. Anyone who is looking to heal, I would say this... be patient. This is tough. The work, the wounds, all of it is painful. But if we can sit in it long enough the healing will come. I believe the most beautiful healing comes from the deepest wounds. And if you’re looking into this book to help someone else... be able to listen and be gentle.

Completely religious. If you don't like that, definitely don't buy it. Waste of my money

Bradshaw writes a compelling book on the inner tormentor that has poisoned and ruled so many of our lives.From a genuine and soul-affirming account of the author's own personal childhood shaming trauma, to treatises on how shame develops psychologically, to chapters of how to combat and console wounded characters, to a (too) brief treatise on the numinous and spiritual, Bradshaw covers nicely the various facets of what it means to be shamed toxically, and how to recover and even thrive.Whether for personal self-help, or to learn perhaps academically on the topic, or even as an aide to therapists and their ilk, I highly recommend this book as an eye-opener on this "daimonic" (all-encompassing) facet of life.

Along with The Family, this is a great book by Bradshaw. He gets to grips with the concept of toxic shame, how it arises and how to tackle it. Powerful stuff and definitely recommended. A counsellor recommended this to me and I've got a lot out of it.I do have a couple of reservations. Bradshaw is firmly rooted in the concept of God - although he is writing for a US audience, where levels of religious belief are higher than in the UK, it does grate occasionally. To be fair he states that "God" can mean whatever you want it to mean and he does not promote this or that religion - however there are Biblical quotes littered liberally through the book so draw your own conclusions. Personally I am a humanist but I had no trouble looking past The God Thing; it's still a great book. And of course the reference to a higher power is an integral part of the 12 steps programme, which Bradshaw draws upon. It's just something to bear in mind if, like me, you have negative experiences of organised religion which actually contributed to your shame. Don't dismiss it out of hand but be aware.

This book is excellent, from the very first page i felt for the first time in my life someone understood how i felt.It can be a little hard to understand at times but that is because it is not a basic book and it deals with very deep seated problems not surface issues. I felt astounded that some individuals can only give it 1 or 2 stars. They clearly have never felt as the book describes. hence the very negative remarks and have only simple issues, they should be reading something that deals with only emotional problems and they probably would get more benefit from reading books on CBT. This book is for people who need more than CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy), people whose issues are deeper and are more life controlling. This book was the book that started me on the road to healing myself and i am so grateful that i happened to stumble upon it, it was serendipitous. If you only have simple emotional issues and are able to use CBT to help you then this book is most definitely not for you as the book is for issues deeper than that. However if you feel the binding shame that seems to control your life then this book is for you and i cannot recommend it highly enough

What a book, it was like reading my autobiography. This booked has helped me so much to sort my life out after my marriage breakdown due to my own deep issues

took me 6 months to read....a good thing.... kept dipping in and it provided so much to think about and take in. Full of insights and in-depth insights. Have recommended it to many people.

I found the language quite wordy and intellectual. It was difficult to take in. I didn’t end up reading this book because it felt too much like hard work!